come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
