ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
