you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
