i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
