the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
