Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
