Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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