Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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