Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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