I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
