To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
