I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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