on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
