im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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