i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
