I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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