Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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