she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
