Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
