Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
