Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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