he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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