i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
