this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
