New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
