me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
