remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
