Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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