guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
