The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
