I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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