hotel room ftw
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
