I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
