i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
