I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
