I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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