doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
