i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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