I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
