You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
