dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
