There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
