uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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