will power is for people who don't want to get laid
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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