ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
