if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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