She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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