I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
