so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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