Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
