So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
