but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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