The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
